Well here we are. The election of our president for 2008 is finally over. This election in some ways, made me very proud and in other ways, made me ashamed.
I am so very proud of my country for electing a good man to the presidency. I don't see President-elect Obama as "the first black president", although it's obvious that his skin is darker that that of my own.
I see Barack Obama as a good man with good principles who is light years ahead of the man he ran against, with regards to "getting it", and of our current president.
I have never seen such a hateful election. It's unreal to hear fellow Americans chanting "Kill him". It's embarrassing that it came from McCain supporters. John McCain is a good man and someone who loves this country. He was supposed to be better than the mob, and for the most part, he was, however I wish he'd shown more outrage earlier , rather than waiting till nearly the end of the election to speak out and defend Senator Obama as a fellow American. Senator McCain's running mate actively sought to stir the fires of bigotry with name calling and saying things she KNEW were a lie. I really have a problem with her shamelessly appealing to the ultra conservative gutter trash of the far right wing. She LIKED it. That was so wrong and I hope that , someday, her words come back around to bite her. She seems to have a real character flaw about honesty and was a huge mistake for Mr. McCain to make.
I am ashamed that this whole chapter had to happen. I was raised by a mother who wouldn't tolerate her family acting like bigots. I was 10 years old and I remember those stark, black and white TV images of Dr. King's assassination on TV. I remember the wailing mourners. I remember seeing the angry mobs lashing out in the name of vengeance at Dr. Kings murder. I remember asking Mom what they were crying and angry about. Her words struck me square in the heart…."Honey, we are ALL people inside. We all hurt when we lose someone we care about".
Later in my life, I decided to end years of hiding about my own sexuality. I am not ashamed of who or what I am, but goodness knows there are people in this world who WANT me to be ashamed of who I am. I tried to hide by joining the Marine Corps. I tried to hide by having a series of physical relationships with women. I though I could change my orientation by marrying not once, but twice. I tried my best to stifle my conflict inside. The result was I hurt my spouse, my children and both families.
When I finally came out, I got unexpected support from my family. I didn't think they'd understand, but I forgot that my mother had made this family what it was. She was my biggest supporter, along with my sisters. If my brothers supported me, then I never heard word, but I suspect they care. My mother's words "We are all people inside" is with me still. Next week is the second anniversary of my mother's passing. I miss her.
I know that my Mom would be so proud to see Mr Obama elected and see me in a loving, committed relationship with Chris.
I also know that she would be sad, as many in my world are, to see that California has decided via an election, to make gay people second class citizens by taking away their RIGHT to marry. The "majority" voted to take marriage away from gay people.
This is shameful. These gay people are just like me. They are PEOPLE inside.
"Separate but equal" is anything but equal.
I am outraged and sad that this country allows this to happen. This should be challenged in court and I hope our Supreme court will overturn this shameful Prop 8 trash. This is little more that bigoted hate, dressed up as "legislation".
Marriage, some say, is a religious institution. For the RELIGIOUS, I admit, it is to THEM. The problem is that, marriage is a CIVIL matter as well. Even ATHIEST get married legally. People can marry in a church if they chose or they can marry in front of a justice of the peace. People can even be married, according to maritime law, by the captain of a ship.
Gay people aren't asking the people of this country for permission to marry in a church. They are, however, within their rights to be married in the eyes of the law, and with that, entitled to all the benefits of marriage that the law affords to heterosexual people.
Civilizations are judged, and rightly so, on how they treat their citizens, especially the minorities amongst them. My dear country, you are treating gay people like we are not people, but I am reminded by my departed mother's words…"We are all people inside."
America, I am proud of your choice to vote for President-elect Obama. Now, my dear America, let's make our constitution mean something and stop talking about equality and blind justice and equal protection under the law.
Let's stop TALKING about these things and start LIVING these things. Talk is cheap! Our precious country and our Constitution are meaningless if we pick and choose a fellow human beings rights to suit the majority. This is the cowardly act of a bully, not the principled reasoning approach of our country's Constitution. We are all people inside. It is our true greatness as Americans. I urge you all to live up to the ideals of fairness and equal treatment under the law. Anything less is, frankly, not very American.
Peace to all of you who believe as I do, and to those who do not as well.
-Shawn
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Punctuality and Respect (Am I being too anal, or is time too precious?)
For those who know me, I am a fan of punctuality and would like the same of others. I know there are situations that can keep us from being exactly on time, and that is understandable and acceptable. It just annoys the heck of of me when some people seem to “inherently” lack punctuality.
I think it speaks a lot about that person, that it is a demonstration of good manners. It shows the person’s attention and energy to form their habits. How? Here’s how. From how you plan your time to arrive at an appointment, it shows the way you manage your time, and that you will apply the same methodology to your daily schedule and organization of events. In the end, being to an appointment is equivalent to running late on other things also because of the same planning methodology applied, which is the estimating to be “right on” (”late”) out of habit.
It’s even worse when I hear people say, “oh, I’m always late, it’s just me…” It speaks clearly about the personality. If that’s the case and you even realize it, then why don’t you fix it? Why not make it a habit to be on time? It just goes to show how you are unable to correct your own mistake and improve yourself.
More over, tardiness is like stealing time from other people and time is priceless. So another way to think about this is - Having punctuality or being on time is another form of respect for others.
It is in my nature to avoid those people, once I observe who has the “nature” to be late. I’m talking about some serious tardiness here, like 15 min+ on multiple occasions. For friends, I will provide some suggestions/warnings before any act of distancing myself from them. The way I see this is, why waste my precious time for folks like that? You should consider the same
I think it speaks a lot about that person, that it is a demonstration of good manners. It shows the person’s attention and energy to form their habits. How? Here’s how. From how you plan your time to arrive at an appointment, it shows the way you manage your time, and that you will apply the same methodology to your daily schedule and organization of events. In the end, being to an appointment is equivalent to running late on other things also because of the same planning methodology applied, which is the estimating to be “right on” (”late”) out of habit.
It’s even worse when I hear people say, “oh, I’m always late, it’s just me…” It speaks clearly about the personality. If that’s the case and you even realize it, then why don’t you fix it? Why not make it a habit to be on time? It just goes to show how you are unable to correct your own mistake and improve yourself.
More over, tardiness is like stealing time from other people and time is priceless. So another way to think about this is - Having punctuality or being on time is another form of respect for others.
It is in my nature to avoid those people, once I observe who has the “nature” to be late. I’m talking about some serious tardiness here, like 15 min+ on multiple occasions. For friends, I will provide some suggestions/warnings before any act of distancing myself from them. The way I see this is, why waste my precious time for folks like that? You should consider the same
Fidelity in the Gay World. Myth?
The word committment - does that mean anything to anyone anymore or are we all disposable? I find myself puzzled in this stage of my life with regards to why gay men cheat on their partners. It seems that so many do and it is really hurtful and destroys peoples lives...and for what? Just to get off? Is it because people know that they can as long as they don't get caught? Let's face it, relationships are hard enough to inititate...so very hard to development and nurture....why hurt the one that you supposedly love just for a little romp in the sack with some stranger or even someone that you both know? I'm not declaring that all gay men cheat but so many of you do and those of you who do are part of the problem and part of the reason why gays are looked upon so negatively. If you are in a relationship and decide that you want to sleep with someone else, then at the very least, communicate with your partner and tell them or end your relationship if you are not happy with what you have now. Don't be a coward. If you are afraid that your partner will leave you if you tell him/her that you want something else or have slept with someone else, then don't cheat! You can't have it both ways when you are in a committed relationship! It's just that bloody easy! If you choose to not be committed, then end the partnership and move on so that your partner can put closure on their end and move on as well. And for those of you who just like to sleep around...I've got news for you too! IF YOUR LUCKY enough to find that someone that is your moon and sun...you better work hard to hang on to what you have or you will look over your shoulder one day and you'll be completely alone. Life goes by too fast and for those of you who are in your 20's...all of what you think you have now will eventually change and before you know it, you are pushing 40 something and you are all alone. Cherish your partner, support your partner and work to keep it alive. If your partner is not meeting you half way with the support, then it's time for you to move on. Committment, communication, loyality, dedication and love without any boundaries or limits is what you will need to for an everlasting happy relationship
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Love At The Six Month Mark
This past weekend was a small milestone in my life. It marked 6 months that Chris and I have been together as a couple. I am very pleased with the progress we have made and, frankly, it seems like the time has flown by.
I will take it as a good sign that, in the six months we've been a couple, there was only one brief moment when Chris and I we harsh with one another, and I believe it was negative influence from his parents that made him act out at that moment. Before and since that time, he's been wonderful and we simply don't argue. He isn't my yes man and he knows how to call me on my shit, but the way we handle such things is through humor.
Even after 6 months, we still talk on the phone every day, usually for about 1 to 2 hours at a stretch. It's given us both the chance to open up and talk about how we feel and what is bugging us. This is important for us both. Chris is just in the early stages of accepting his orientation, and I frankly need to be reminded that not EVERY man in the world is an ass. Some of (make that MOST of) the men I've been with since coming to grips with my sexual orientation, have been takers, users, cheaters and, worst of all, liars when dealing with me. After the cheating and lies of Scott, and Corey, and ESPECIALLY the MISERABLE lying and attempts at deception by Rob J. R. (my previous, smarmy, ex-lawyer, boyfriend who has a special place in hell reserved for him and his lying, hateful kind, well…I'm just not sure I was all that ready to believe that a decent man existed out there for me. After all, in my near 50 years, I'd never hit anyone out of anger, but the mere SIGHT of Rob J. R. has brought out the worst in me. I will tell you honestly that I decked him 3 times in the few months we were together and I'd DO IT AGAIN, if he acts like that in my presence. He is a filthy example of all that is wrong with gay men….ESPECIALLY pompous, arrogant, DECEITFUL asshole-type gay men. Thankfully, the police stepped in an imposed a no-contact order and I'm FINALLY able to get that lying prick out of my life at last. He still hasn't paid me the money I loaned him, and I'd be surprised if he ever does. People like him are long on promises and short on actions. If I ever do get the money, I'll be surprised. His kind isn't known for promises kept.
Anyway, enter Chris. Younger than me, to be sure, but I didn't seek him out. In fact, I was perfectly satisfied with life as a single, celibate man. Still, when you find a diamond, you hold it close and treasure it. So it was with Chris. He asked if we could be a couple and I consented and I've been very happy about it.
It's funny. When he's around, I feel good. I feel happy. I feel light. Most of all, I feel truly loved. When those feelings are there, there is reason to treasure the relationship. I treasure the relationship. I believe that, judging by his ACTIONS, Chris does as well.
That's not to say that there are not moments when we deal with some real negative issues. Chris's family is a powerful negative influence on his sense of self-esteem and it's enough to make me want to grab them all by the neck and shake them to wake them up and make them see the damage that they are doing with their negative words and attitudes. In the 6 months Chris and I've been together, only his father, (a former Marine like myself), has enough guts to come and meet me. In fact, we have been out to dinner with his Dad 2 times. He's a good man who I believe would be even MORE supportive of Chris and the relationship Chris and I share; IF Chris's mom would lighten up on her "fire and brimstone" attitude towards gay people.
I personally believe there is a "higher power" at work, but I don't follow or believe in Christianity, although I believe JESUS was a wonderful and admirable rabbi who offered the world a wealth if wisdom. Problem is, people like Chris's mom IGNORE the teachings and message of Jesus' teachings, and instead, use the "spoon-fed dogma" of the church to pick and choose bible verses that support their hateful nonsense. The Nazis' did it. The Salem Witch tribunal did it. The Westboro Baptist Church does it, and hey, I guess if it's good enough for the pope and for that disgusting Rev. Fred Phelps and his ignorant, band of redneck peckerwoods, then its good enough for Chris's Mom.
I support Chris. I respect his father. His mother garners no respect from me and I find her silly and amazingly ignorant and childish. His sisters? Well, the jury is still out, but the older of the two apparently fears me and refuses to meet me and the other one (Mary), offered to meet me, and then backed out moments before meeting the first time. The second time, we didn't give her the chance. We simply had lunch at the restaurant where she works and made it a point to NOT call ahead that time. She was cool, but polite. (Shot daggers with her eyes, but they don't work on me.) We behaved properly in the restaurant and even left a nice tip for her, despite the daggers she fired. I found out a few weeks later that she'd complained about our visit later. Amazing how homophobes are SO vocal when you're out of earshot. ;)
My own family loves Chris. My sisters yak it up with him, as does my father. I know it makes me feel good to see Chris's face when he's around my family. It's like he can't believe people would know he's gay and still be nice to him. Believe it, Chris. The rest of the world isn't like those you have known as family. There are homophobes in the world, to be sure, but the haters are outnumbered. Good people outnumber the jerks.
All in all, I'd give this relationship an A grade at the six-month mark. That is cause of joy in my heart. Chris seems happy too. That's good enough for me.
Wish us luck. J
-Shawn
I will take it as a good sign that, in the six months we've been a couple, there was only one brief moment when Chris and I we harsh with one another, and I believe it was negative influence from his parents that made him act out at that moment. Before and since that time, he's been wonderful and we simply don't argue. He isn't my yes man and he knows how to call me on my shit, but the way we handle such things is through humor.
Even after 6 months, we still talk on the phone every day, usually for about 1 to 2 hours at a stretch. It's given us both the chance to open up and talk about how we feel and what is bugging us. This is important for us both. Chris is just in the early stages of accepting his orientation, and I frankly need to be reminded that not EVERY man in the world is an ass. Some of (make that MOST of) the men I've been with since coming to grips with my sexual orientation, have been takers, users, cheaters and, worst of all, liars when dealing with me. After the cheating and lies of Scott, and Corey, and ESPECIALLY the MISERABLE lying and attempts at deception by Rob J. R. (my previous, smarmy, ex-lawyer, boyfriend who has a special place in hell reserved for him and his lying, hateful kind, well…I'm just not sure I was all that ready to believe that a decent man existed out there for me. After all, in my near 50 years, I'd never hit anyone out of anger, but the mere SIGHT of Rob J. R. has brought out the worst in me. I will tell you honestly that I decked him 3 times in the few months we were together and I'd DO IT AGAIN, if he acts like that in my presence. He is a filthy example of all that is wrong with gay men….ESPECIALLY pompous, arrogant, DECEITFUL asshole-type gay men. Thankfully, the police stepped in an imposed a no-contact order and I'm FINALLY able to get that lying prick out of my life at last. He still hasn't paid me the money I loaned him, and I'd be surprised if he ever does. People like him are long on promises and short on actions. If I ever do get the money, I'll be surprised. His kind isn't known for promises kept.
Anyway, enter Chris. Younger than me, to be sure, but I didn't seek him out. In fact, I was perfectly satisfied with life as a single, celibate man. Still, when you find a diamond, you hold it close and treasure it. So it was with Chris. He asked if we could be a couple and I consented and I've been very happy about it.
It's funny. When he's around, I feel good. I feel happy. I feel light. Most of all, I feel truly loved. When those feelings are there, there is reason to treasure the relationship. I treasure the relationship. I believe that, judging by his ACTIONS, Chris does as well.
That's not to say that there are not moments when we deal with some real negative issues. Chris's family is a powerful negative influence on his sense of self-esteem and it's enough to make me want to grab them all by the neck and shake them to wake them up and make them see the damage that they are doing with their negative words and attitudes. In the 6 months Chris and I've been together, only his father, (a former Marine like myself), has enough guts to come and meet me. In fact, we have been out to dinner with his Dad 2 times. He's a good man who I believe would be even MORE supportive of Chris and the relationship Chris and I share; IF Chris's mom would lighten up on her "fire and brimstone" attitude towards gay people.
I personally believe there is a "higher power" at work, but I don't follow or believe in Christianity, although I believe JESUS was a wonderful and admirable rabbi who offered the world a wealth if wisdom. Problem is, people like Chris's mom IGNORE the teachings and message of Jesus' teachings, and instead, use the "spoon-fed dogma" of the church to pick and choose bible verses that support their hateful nonsense. The Nazis' did it. The Salem Witch tribunal did it. The Westboro Baptist Church does it, and hey, I guess if it's good enough for the pope and for that disgusting Rev. Fred Phelps and his ignorant, band of redneck peckerwoods, then its good enough for Chris's Mom.
I support Chris. I respect his father. His mother garners no respect from me and I find her silly and amazingly ignorant and childish. His sisters? Well, the jury is still out, but the older of the two apparently fears me and refuses to meet me and the other one (Mary), offered to meet me, and then backed out moments before meeting the first time. The second time, we didn't give her the chance. We simply had lunch at the restaurant where she works and made it a point to NOT call ahead that time. She was cool, but polite. (Shot daggers with her eyes, but they don't work on me.) We behaved properly in the restaurant and even left a nice tip for her, despite the daggers she fired. I found out a few weeks later that she'd complained about our visit later. Amazing how homophobes are SO vocal when you're out of earshot. ;)
My own family loves Chris. My sisters yak it up with him, as does my father. I know it makes me feel good to see Chris's face when he's around my family. It's like he can't believe people would know he's gay and still be nice to him. Believe it, Chris. The rest of the world isn't like those you have known as family. There are homophobes in the world, to be sure, but the haters are outnumbered. Good people outnumber the jerks.
All in all, I'd give this relationship an A grade at the six-month mark. That is cause of joy in my heart. Chris seems happy too. That's good enough for me.
Wish us luck. J
-Shawn
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Mom's last Mother's Day with us.
I know this is some personal stuff here, so please forgive me. I wrote this letter to my Mom and gave it to her on Mother's Day 2006.
As fate would have it it was the last gift I ever got to give her.
Maybe those of you who read this will stop and think about what your Mom means to you before you hurt her.
Fix things while you can. Tomorrow is not a guarantee.
I would give all I have to have my Mom with me now. Oh just to hear her laugh. It's gone now. She lives in my memories.
Bearing that in mind, please forgive me for sharing this personal moment with you all. Happy Mother's Day to all you Mom's out there. You are so loved and so important.
God made a wonderful mother,
As fate would have it it was the last gift I ever got to give her.
Maybe those of you who read this will stop and think about what your Mom means to you before you hurt her.
Fix things while you can. Tomorrow is not a guarantee.
I would give all I have to have my Mom with me now. Oh just to hear her laugh. It's gone now. She lives in my memories.
Bearing that in mind, please forgive me for sharing this personal moment with you all. Happy Mother's Day to all you Mom's out there. You are so loved and so important.
******
A Wonderful Mother
God made a wonderful mother,
A mother who never grows old.
He made her smile of the sunshine,
And He molded her heart of pure gold.
In her eyes He placed bright shining stars,
In her cheeks, fair roses you see.
God made that wonderful mother,
And He gave that dear mother to me.
******
Dearest Mom,…
Another Mothers day has come and , unlike years past, I didn’t want to let this one slip past without letting you know I appreciate all you’ve done for me as my Mom and as a friend.
I know that our time here in this world is finite and we speed towards life’s end with each passing hour, yet the exact hour of our departure is unknown to us.
It is in that spirit, that I didn’t want to let another moment escape us before I told you how much I love and admire you for the woman you are and the wonderful mother you have always been to me.
This is not to say we haven’t had our strained times and harsh words. God made us as mother and son to suit whatever purpose He wished, but he made neither of us perfect. In fact, in many ways , he made us alike. He made us both very emotional and full of spirit…add sometimes...too much stubborn anger for both of our sakes. He even gave us the same powerful, yet piercing eyes to stare in to the souls of those around us.
Still, you knew not the son I’d grow to become, nor the many hurts and disappointments I’d cause you as I grew up and went out into this world. You had no idea how I’d break your heart or hurt your feelings, not out of my anger or discontent, but rather, out of my stupidity and forgetfulness. You had no idea the kind of man I’d become…yet from the moment of my first breath…and to this very day, you have loved me as the person I was, always wishing that best for me, loving me, encouraging me even when I was too weak to want to go on as I am.
Well, I know our time together is not without end here, so I wanted you to know that I apologize for all the hurtful things I ever said and did, and I want you to know that I love you Mom. Nobody could love a Mother more than I love you.
I just wanted you to hear it from me while I could tell you myself.
Another Mothers day has come and , unlike years past, I didn’t want to let this one slip past without letting you know I appreciate all you’ve done for me as my Mom and as a friend.
I know that our time here in this world is finite and we speed towards life’s end with each passing hour, yet the exact hour of our departure is unknown to us.
It is in that spirit, that I didn’t want to let another moment escape us before I told you how much I love and admire you for the woman you are and the wonderful mother you have always been to me.
This is not to say we haven’t had our strained times and harsh words. God made us as mother and son to suit whatever purpose He wished, but he made neither of us perfect. In fact, in many ways , he made us alike. He made us both very emotional and full of spirit…add sometimes...too much stubborn anger for both of our sakes. He even gave us the same powerful, yet piercing eyes to stare in to the souls of those around us.
Still, you knew not the son I’d grow to become, nor the many hurts and disappointments I’d cause you as I grew up and went out into this world. You had no idea how I’d break your heart or hurt your feelings, not out of my anger or discontent, but rather, out of my stupidity and forgetfulness. You had no idea the kind of man I’d become…yet from the moment of my first breath…and to this very day, you have loved me as the person I was, always wishing that best for me, loving me, encouraging me even when I was too weak to want to go on as I am.
Well, I know our time together is not without end here, so I wanted you to know that I apologize for all the hurtful things I ever said and did, and I want you to know that I love you Mom. Nobody could love a Mother more than I love you.
I just wanted you to hear it from me while I could tell you myself.
I love you, Mom.
-love Shawn ,
-love Shawn ,
May 2006
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